Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
