I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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