for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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