She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
