I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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