i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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