I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
