You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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