oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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