When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
