if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
not ubering you a puppy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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