I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
