using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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