problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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