matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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