whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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