If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
