No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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