So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
