can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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