i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
