Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
