At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
