i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
