I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
