I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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