He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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