Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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