i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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