Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
