I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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