youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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