He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
