I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
