Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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