last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just want nice things and good sex
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
