i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
