She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
