the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
