I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
