I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't think brook has ever known best
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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