I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
