I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
