She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
