I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
