I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
