she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
