i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize