You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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