ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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