The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
