I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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