We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
