Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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