My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
