so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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