I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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