i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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