I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
