Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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