One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
