Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
