Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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