It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
