You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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