I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
