I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
