we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
