You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
