i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
