i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
