I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
