I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
