i'm lost and i look like a hooker
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
