i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
