Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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