See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
