his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
