i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
