Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
