I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i out mim tonsoeep
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