Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
