o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
